March 21st, 2026

Thoughts On Aging and Living & 

The Second Half of Life 

Etty Hillesum below 

"No one can keep us from our second half of life except ourselves... It can be experienced as falling upward into a broader j7 and deeper world." — Richard Rohr

Anthony Hopkins once said: “I am fully aware of my mortality, but at 87 years old, I still wake up every morning with the desire to misbehave. Age is not a barrier when you find passion in what you do. The real secret lies in keeping your curiosity alive, continuing to learn, and not letting the fear of time stop you from enjoying life. Every day is a new opportunity to create, to laugh, and to show that it is never too late to move forward with enthusiasm and joy."

“When the principle of resonance, that is, inner confirmation as opposed to external authority, is accepted as the surest guide to the conduct of a life responsive to the soul, then we are forced to become psychological. We experience metanoia, a transformation of consciousness–the recognition that we are in fact spiritual beings who are cast into a material form in a material age.”

James Hollis

To become a person does not necessarily mean to be well adjusted, well adapted, approved of by others. It means to become who you are. We are meant to become more eccentric, more peculiar, more odd. We are not meant just to fit in. We are here to be different. We are here to be the individual.

James Hollis

Etty Hillesum 

Well, I am in God's hands. My body with all its aches and pains as well. If I should ever feel utterly crushed and bewildered, I will surely remember in some tiny corner of my mind that I shall surely be able to get up again, otherwise I should be lost.

ובכן, אני נמצאת בידיו של אלוהים. וכך גם גופי עם כל מכאוביו ומחושיו. אם אי פעם אחוש מרוסקת לגמרי ומבולבלת, יהיה עלי להיזכר בפינה זעירה כלשהי של תודעתי שיש בכוחי לקום שוב, אחרת אהיה אבודה.

حسناً، أنا في يدي الله. وكذلك جسمي مع جميع آلامه وتعبه. إذا كان يجب أن أشعر بالسحق والحيرة تماما، فأنا سأتذكر حتما في زاوية صغيرة في عقلي بأنني سأستطيع النهوض مرة أخرى، وإلا سأضيع.

March 20th, 2026

Thoughts Across the Ages 

Etty Hillesum below

“I want to talk to you again for a little while…

Ranier Maria Relkie From 

"Letters to a Young Poet" 

So you mustn’t be frightened, dear Mr. Kappus, if a sadness rises in front of you, larger than any you have ever seen; if an anxiety, like light and cloud-shadows, moves over your hands and over everything you do. You must realize that something is happening to you, that life has not forgotten you, that it holds you in its hand and will not let you fall.

And if there is one more thing that I must say to you, it is this: Don’t think that the person who is trying to comfort you now lives untroubled among the simple and quiet words that sometimes give you pleasure. His life has much trouble and sadness, and remains far behind yours. If it were otherwise, he would never have been able to find those words.

Rainer Maria Rilke 

And similar Thought s from 

Jalal-ud-Din Rumi 

Come, sit with me again a little while.

The night is long. The candle does not mind that it is asked to burn.

Do not run from the dark that gathers at your threshold.

It has not come to take you.

It has come because the Beloved

sends only what the heart can bear —

and sometimes, what will break it open.

The shadow moving over your hands?

That is not abandonment.

That is God, passing close.

You are not forgotten.

The ocean does not forget the wave.

The wave only forgets

it is the ocean.

And this one who writes to you —

do not imagine he stands in some bright courtyard

untouched by grief.

He found these words

in the same darkness

where you are standing now.

The lamp that lights another

was itself once

only a wick,

wondering if it would ever catch.

So stay.

Let the sorrow be large.

Let it be as large as it needs to be.

The field does not resent the rain

for not being sunshine.

Everything that comes

comes from Love.

Even this.

Especially this.

Rumi

Etty Hillesum

My life has, so to speak, been extended by death, by my looking death in the eye and accepting it, by accepting destruction as part of life and no longer wasting my energies on fear of death or the refusal to acknowledge its inevitability.

ניתן לומר שהמוות נותן לחיי ממד נוסף משום שאני מכירה בו ומשלימה עמו, ומשום שאני רואה בהכחדה חלק מהחיים, אני כבר לא מבזבזת את הכוחות שלי על פחד המוות, או על הסירוב להכיר בכך שהמוות הוא בלתי נמנע.

لقد وسع الموت حياتي نظرت في عيني الموت وتقبلته تقبلت أن الدمار هو جزء من الحياة وما عدت أضيع طاقاتي على الخوف من الموت أو رفض الاعتراف بحتميته.

March 19th, 2026

What Would You Give to Know, Absolutely Know, 

All Shall be Well ! 

What Would You Give To Know, Absolutely Know beyond any doubt, that everything really is all right, that there is no reason to fear. That there is no need to feel despair or loss or uncertainty. That all the pain and hurt and evil we have seen truly is only an illusion, and that the most beautiful things we have experienced are only a glimpse, a small taste, of what is truly 'real,' and truly ours. That everything is all right; that everything is perfect as it is; that all is well. This is what I see, and what I know.

David Carse

"But Jesus, who in this vision informed me of all that is needed by me, answered with these words and said: ‘It was necessary that there should be sin; but all shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well.'

"Julian of Norwich

Here is a Sufi reading of David Carse quote 

Here is a Sufi reading of Carse's vision:

**Kull shay'in ḥaqq** — *Everything is Real*

In the language of Ibn 'Arabi's *wahdat al-wujud*, Carse is speaking from the station of *kashf* — unveiling. The veil (*hijab*) that makes suffering appear ultimate, loss appear permanent, and evil appear ontologically real — that veil has thinned to nothing.

What he calls "illusion" is precisely *'adam* — non-being wearing the mask of being. Pain and hurt and evil have no *wujud* of their own; they are the shadow-play of names that have not yet found their way home to the One Name.

The beautiful things he names as "glimpse" — this is the Sufi understanding of *tajalli*, divine self-disclosure. Beauty is not beauty *plus* something more real beneath it. Beauty is the Real *showing itself* through a form. The glimpse is real. But the eye that glimpsed was still partially veiled; the fullness is what awaits when the veil falls entirely.

*"All is well"* — this is not consolation. In Sufi ears this is a precise metaphysical claim: *al-wujud khayr kulluh* — existence, in its essence, is pure good. Evil is privation, absence, the not-yet-returned. The one who says *"all is well"* from this station is not denying pain; they are seeing through it to the substratum that pain cannot touch.

The Quranic resonance is unmistakable: **"Alā inna awliyā'a llāhi lā khawfun 'alayhim wa lā hum yaḥzanūn"** — *Truly, the friends of God: no fear shall come upon them, nor shall they grieve* (10:62). Carse's "no reason to fear, no need for despair" is not wishful thinking — it is the cognitive signature of *wilāya*, of having touched the ground beneath the ground.

And his final words — *"This is what I see, and what I know"* — mark the distinction the Sufis draw between *'ilm al-yaqīn* (knowledge by report), *'ayn al-yaqīn* (knowledge by sight), and *ḥaqq al-yaqīn* (knowledge by union). He is not reporting a doctrine. He is not describing a vision from outside. He is speaking from inside the thing itself.es *in response to that resistance.* This is diagnostically crucial. Julian is not given consolation instead of seeing clearly. She is given the word *because* she sees clearly.

---

## The Theological Fracture Line

*"It was necessary that there should be sin"* — **felix culpa** in its most unguarded form. Necessary. Not merely permitted, not merely allowed within providence, but *necessary.* This is not theodicy as damage control. This is a claim that the full arc of the real cannot be what it is without the fall, without the wound, without the darkness.

In Jungian terms: the Self cannot be individuated without the shadow being integrated. The necessary sin is not an accident in the story — it is the *hinge* on which the story turns toward depth. A creation without it would have been, perhaps, beautiful — but not *real* in the way that matters.

## The Threefold Repetition

*"All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well."*

This is not rhetorical flourish. Repetition in mystical speech — across Sufi, Kabbalistic, and Christian traditions — marks the movement through levels:

- **First utterance**: the soul (*all shall be well*) — the individual, the personal wound

- **Second utterance**: the collective (*all shall be well*) — history, the suffering of peoples, the long catastrophe

- **Third utterance**: *all manner of thing* — the ontological totality, down to the smallest particular, nothing excluded, nothing merely tolerated

The threefold structure performs what it describes. By the third repetition the listener has been moved — not argued — into a different register of knowing.

## What "Shall" Is Doing

Not *is.* Not *was.* ***Shall.***

Julian is not being offered a present-tense erasure of what she sees. The darkness is real, now, in time. The word is eschatological — it points forward, into a completion not yet visible from within the wound. This is not spiritual bypassing. It is a *vector.* A direction given to the soul so that it can bear the present without being annihilated by it.

In Sufi terms: she is being given *tawakkul* — trust that rests not on present evidence but on the known nature of the Real. In AA terms: it is the Third Step made verbal — *not my will, but the assurance that the arc bends.*

## The Unresolved Remainder

Julian herself, characteristically honest, goes on to say: *I desired many times to know what was our Lord's meaning.* She does not pretend the tension dissolves. She holds it for the rest of her life, continuing to turn the word over.

This is the diagnostic mark of authentic mystical reception: the word does not close the question. It gives the soul *ground to stand on while the question remains open.* 

The question is: *how?* How shall all be well, given what I have seen?

Her answer, arrived at slowly: *"Love was His meaning."* Not explanation. Not resolution. Love as the medium in which the question itself is finally held.

--Etty Hillesum

One must not die while still alive, one has to live one's life to the full and to the end.

אסור לאדם למות בעודו בחיים. על האדם לחיות את חייו במלאות עד מותו.

علينا ألا نموت ونحن ما زلنا أحياء علينا أن نعيش حياتنا بالكامل وحتى النهاية.

March 18th, 2026

The Third Step

Made a decision to turn our will and

our lives over to the care of God

as we understood Him.

Etty Hillesum below

I've was given a simple suggestion regarding a

daily invite to look beyond the Words of

the Steps and Explore Within & Without

Their meaning for me. Which have allowed me

to for today, seeing in a different light,

as the following attempts to communicate

1st The Merton Prayer

(click ) operned a

Unseen Vista for Me.

(https:/lexploration

short.gy/BjxjL5)

**On the Third Step and Decision-Making**

When we talk about turning our will and our life over to the care of God as we understood Him, I wonder if I’ve been misinterpreted, and the depth of what it actually invites.

I listen to many people share that they pray to know what decisions to make — as if God is supposed to hand down a specific answer. But I'm beginning to think God would rather *I* make the decision. And whether it's right or wrong, I will always remain under His care.

Frankly, I don't learn from what I do right. I learn from mistakes. So rather than becoming an automaton executing God's will, I think what God actually wants is for me to develop is my own internal compass — one that over time allows me to discern His will and make sound decisions ourselves.

Again if a decision turns out to be lesser than optimum, that's okay. Such a decision creates the conditions for course correction, growth, and the development of wisdom.

Furthermore I don't think wisdom comes from doing things right. I believe it comes from doing things in a way that *could have been done better* — and knowing the difference.

Possibly this paradigm shift, of a core insight though something radical in it: the Third Step isn't a request for a divine answer key. It's a surrender into relationship — one where God's care is the *container*, not the *script*.

Etty Hillesum 

Even as we die a terrible death we are able to feel right up to the very last moment that life has meaning and beauty, that we have realized our potential and lived a good life.

אפילו אם נמות מוות נורא, עדיין נוכל לחוש, עד הרגע האחרון, שהחיים מלאי משמעות ויופי, שמימשנו את הפוטנציאל שהיה טמון בנו ושחיינו חיים טובים.

حتى عندما نموت موتاً فظيعاً ما زلنا قادرين حتى اللحظة الأخيرة أن نشعر بأن الحياة جميلة وذات معنى. وقد أدركنا إمكانياتنا وعشنا حياة جيدة.

March 17th, 2026

The Hidden Path in Plain View

Etty Hillesum below 

That's the koan of the mystics: 

*it was never concealed, only unseen.*

The hidden path in Sufism is essentially the *tariqah* — the word itself means "path" or "way." It is hidden not because it is obscure, but because it cannot be transmitted through ordinary instruction. It runs beneath the surface of exoteric religion (*shari'ah*) into the interior life.

A few of its central features:

**The paradox of concealment** — The path is hidden *within* plain view. The divine is not elsewhere. Ibn Arabi's *wahdat al-wujud* (unity of being) insists that God is the only reality present — yet the veiled eye cannot see it. The path is the progressive removal of those veils.

**The guide** — The *murshid* or *pir* knows the hidden path because he has walked it. The transmission is not textual but personal — *sohbet*, spiritual companionship. The path cannot be fully mapped, only lived.

**Fana* — The destination, if it can be called that, is self-annihilation. The traveler dissolves. What was hidden turns out to have been the traveler's own deeper nature all along.

**The secret** (*sirr*) — Sufis speak of the *sirr* as the innermost chamber of the heart, the point of contact between the human and the divine. The hidden path leads there — and paradoxically, it was never anywhere else.

Rumi's reed flute crying for the reed bed is perhaps the most famous image of this — the path hidden inside the longing itself.

Is there a particular dimension of the Sufi hidden path you're exploring right now?

Etty Hillesum

All the strength and love and faith in God that one possesses, and which have grown so miraculously in me of late, must be there for everyone who chances to cross one's path and who needs it.

את כל הכוח והאהבה והאמונה באלוהים, שיש לאדם, ושצומחים בתוכי באופן מופלא בזמן האחרון - את כל אלה יש להעמיד לרשותו של כל אדם שייקרה בדרכנו ויזדקק להם.

كل القوة والمحبة والإيمان بالله التي يمتلكها المرء والتي تفت بداخلي بأعجوبة في الآونة الأخيرة. يجب أن تكون متاحة لجميع الذين يعبرون طريقنا مصادفة والذين بحاجة إليها.

March 16, 2026

The greatest, nearest, and most pressing human loss in particular shelters the fruit of
consolation most reliably. Get to the bottom of this intensity and have faith in what is most
horrible, instead of fighting it off—it reveals itself for those who can trust it . . . as a kind
of initiation. By way of loss, by way of such vast and immeasurable experiences of loss,
we are quite powerfully introduced into the whole. Death is only a relentless way of
making us familiar and even intimate with the side of our existence that is turned away
from us (what should I stress more: “our” or “existence”? Both carry the heaviest emphasis
here, as if counterbalanced by the weight of all the stars!)
—Rainer Maria Rilke, To Countess Alexandrine Schwerin, June 16, 1922

We are voyagers, discoverers

of the not-known,

the unrecorded;

we have no map;

possibly we will reach haven,

heaven.

H.D. (Hilda Doolittle) 



Etty Hillesum 

I have noticed that my powers of observation register everything unerringly, and that gives me special joy. With all the destruction, with all my tiredness, suffering, and everything else, this is constant: my joy, the artist's joy in observing things and in shaping them mentally into an image.

שמתי לב שכושר ההבחנה שלי קולט הכול לאשורו וזה מסב לי שמחה מיוחדת. עם כל החורבן, העייפות, הסבל וכל שאר הדברים, עדיין קיימת תמיד השמחה שלי, שמחת האמן כשהוא מבחין בדברים ומעצב אותם ברוחו לכלל דימוי.

لقد لاحظت بأن قوتي بتسجيل كل شيء بدون أخطاء يعطيني فرحة خاصة. مع كل الدمار والتعب والمعاناة وكل شيء آخر، هذا هو المستمر فرحتي فرحة الفنان في ملاحظة الأشياء وتشكيلها عقليا ووضعها في صورة.

ايتي ها

March 15th, 2026

Spiral Dynamics and The Ethereal Path 

Etty Hillesum

Below 

The concept of the Ethereal path, as described in the Purana, represents a metaphorical journey that the king’s soul undertakes. This path signifies a spiritual odyssey through various realms, highlighting the soul's transition and experiences beyond the physical world. It emphasizes the idea of a transcendent journey that connects the material and spiritual dimensions, reflecting deeper themes of existence and the afterlife within the context of spiritual beliefs.

 Spiral Dynamics and Spiritual Growth 

Imagine spiritual growth as a journey up a spiral staircase. Each turn of the spiral represents a different stage of understanding and experiencing the world, including our spiritual beliefs.

## The Early Steps

1. **Survival Mode**: At the bottom, we're focused on basic needs. Spirituality here is simple, often about nature spirits or magic.

2. **Tribal Beliefs**: Next, we find comfort in group traditions. Think of ancient tribal religions or strong family spiritual practices.

3. **Power and Control**: Here, spirituality might be about powerful gods or using spiritual practices to gain personal power.

## Middle of the Journey

4. **Order and Rules**: This is where many organized religions sit. There are clear rules about right and wrong, and how to live a good life.

5. **Achievement and Science**: At this stage, people might question traditional beliefs. They might seek logical explanations or focus on personal spiritual growth.

6. **Community and Equality**: Here, people become more open-minded. They might mix different spiritual practices or focus on how spirituality can help everyone.

## Higher Levels

7. **Integration**: Now, people start to see value in all the previous stages. They can appreciate different spiritual paths and combine insights from many sources.

8. **Universal Connection**: At the highest level, spirituality becomes about seeing how everything is connected. It's a very broad, inclusive view of the spiritual world.

Remember, this isn't a straight line. People can be at different levels for different aspects of their lives. The goal isn't to race to the top, but to understand and grow at your own pace.

As we climb this spiral, our spiritual views often become more complex, inclusive, and universal. But each stage has its own wisdom and value in our overall growth.

Etty Hillesum 

Most people carry stereotyped ideas about life in their heads. We have to rid ourselves of all preconceptions, of all slogans, of all sense of security, find the courage to let go of everything. every standard, every conventional bulwark. Only then will life become infinitely rich and overflowing, even in the suffering it deals out to us.

רוב האנשים רואים בחיים רק את מה שמקובל לראות עלינו להשתחרר מכל הדיעות הקדומות, מכל הסיסמאות מכל תחושה של ביטחון. להעז לוותר על הכול, לשכוח את כל הנורמות והוודאויות המקובלות, רק כך החיים הופכים להיות עשירים ושופעים, גם ברגעים של סבל תהומי.

يحمل معظم الناس أفكاراً نمطية عن الحياة في رؤوسهم. علينا أن نخلص أنفسنا من جميع المفاهيم المسبقة ومن جميع الشعارات ومن كل الشعور بالأمان، وأن نجد الشجاعة للتخلي عن كل شيء وكل معيار وكل حصن تقليدي. عندها فقط تصبح حتما الحياة غنية وطافحة، حتى في المعاناة التي تمدنا بها.

March 14, 2026

The Bardo, The Afterlife, or Hades, 
Might this Life Actually Be, 
The Purgatory of Our
Previous Incarceration

In Depth elucidation 

Click Above

In My Experience, I've Visited the Depths of Hell, but also Risen into the Sunlight of the Spirit. Etty provides a Perspective on this inquiry. 

Etty Hillesum

One moment it is Hitler, the next it is Ivan the Terrible; one moment it is Inquisition and the next war, pestilence, earthquake, or famine. Ultimately what matters most is to bear the pain, to cope with it, and to keep a small corner of one's soul unsullied, come what may.

 What if we have it backwards — not "what happens after we die" but *this* is what's already happening after something prior ended?

If this framing is true — even as a working hypothesis — several things shift:

Nothing is wasted. Every difficult relationship, every recurring wound, every moment of stuckness is *exactly* the material you're here to metabolize. There's no wrong turn, only unfinished business.

Awakening isn't escape — it's completion. The goal isn't to get *out* of this realm but to become so transparent within it that the light passes through without distortion.

Death may not be the exit we imagine. If we carry unresolved patterns, the Tibetan and Vedantic traditions agree: we reconstitute around them. The realm continues. Different scenery, same curriculum.

Catherine of Genoa's Radical Inversion

The 15th century mystic Catherine of Genoa wrote the most startling text in this tradition: *Treatise on Purgatory*. Her core claim:

Purgatory isn't a location or a procedure. It's the experience of reality finally getting all the way through to you.

The walls were always only on the soul's side - come down not by force but by the soul's own increasing willingness to be seen.

If this life is purgatorial in nature, Catherine's framework becomes extraordinarily useful: Our blockages aren't obstacles to spiritual life. They *are* our spiritual life- the precise shape of the contraction that needs expanding. The anxious attachment, the defended heart, the compulsive pattern these aren't embarrassing failures. They're the specific curriculum assigned to this particular soul.

The question she implicitly asks each of us: *Have you glimpsed enough of what you truly are to want the purification, even when it burns?*

Catherine uses an image of extraordinary precision. The soul is like gold covered in rust — not damaged gold, not lesser gold, but *obscured* gold. The fire of divine love doesn't create the gold. It doesn't judge the rust. It simply *burns at the temperature required to remove it*.

That willingness not achievemnent, just willingness
-may be the real threshold.

March 13th, 2026

The Spiritual Significance of Friday the 13 

(Etty Hillesum below) 

Friday the 13th is widely regarded in spiritual circles not as a day of bad luck, but as a potent time for transformation, shadow work, and feminine empowerment. It is often viewed asa "portal" for deep emotional healing, intuition, and breaking old patterns. While sometimes feared due to historical, Christian, or Norse myths, many modern spiritual interpretations focus on reclaiming the day to honor the lunar calendar (13 cycles) and divine feminine energy. Reddit +6 Key spiritual interpretations of Friday the 13th include:

Divine Feminine & Lunar Power: The number 13 is tied to the 13 cycles of the moon in a year and the 13 menstrual cycles, making it a day to honor feminine intuition and natural rhythms. Transformation and Shadow Work: Rather than simply "unlucky." it is considered a powerful day to confront one's "shadow self" (repressed emotions) and initiate personal growth. 

Reclaiming Power: Historically, the day was associated with goddesses of love and fertility (like Frigg or Venus) before becoming demonized, according to this Facebook post and The Hoodwitch blog.

Breaking Patterns: The day is viewed as a time to break free from rigid, patriarchal, or restrictive Societal norms.

 Let the Beauty We Love, 
Be What We Do

Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground. 

– Rumi, 13th century

Etty Hillesum 

People sometimes say, "You must try to make the best of things". I never have the feeling that I have got to make the best of things: everything is fine just as it is. Every situation; however miserable, is complete in itself and contains the good as well as the bad.

אנשים אומרים לפעמים: "צריך למצוא את הטוב בכל דבר." אף פעם לא היתה לי התחושה שאני צריכה למצוא את הטוב בכל מצב. הכל בסדר כפי שהוא. כל מצב, ולא משנה כמה הוא אומלל, שלם בפני עצמו ומכיל את הטוב וגם את הרע.

يقول الناس أحيانا عليك أن تحاول تحقيق أفضل ما في الأشياء ..... لم يكن أبدا عندي

الاعتقاد بأنه علي أن أحقق الأفضل من الأشياء. كل شيء هو على ما يرام كما هو كل موقف.

مهما كان بائسا هو كامل بحد ذاته ويحتوي الشيء والجيد بالوقت نفسه.

March 12th, 2026

Alcoholics Anonymous

As a Life sustaining, Spiritual Fountain Of Growth, 

Into the 4th Dimension 

Of Existence 

**Step 3 — Made a Decision to turn our life and our will over the care of God as we understood him **

For Me, Step 3 is among the most transformational and for me, the most difficult of the steps. Though stated simply as a *decision*, it carries within it the nexus of all change — the *sandhi*, the sacred junction where something always happens, where the soul's journey toward unification with its Source begins.

The word **"care"** is doing enormous work in that step. It's not "control" or "management" — it's *care*. And that distinction opens everything up.
---
**Care as the ground of being, not a governing hand**

If your Higher Power is the power that beats your heart, powers the Sun, animates every molecule — then "care" isn't a kind old man watching over you. 

It's something more like the inherent tending-toward-life that's woven into existence itself.
The universe *already* sustains you without your ego's involvement. Your heart beats. Your cells repair themselves. Photons travel 93 million miles and warm your face. None of that required your will.

 "Care" in this sense is simply: *the universe is already doing this.* Step 3 is the recognition that the same intelligent generosity behind all of that is what you're surrendering *into.*
---
**The surrender is to what already is**
Your ego — your self-will — operates like a small, anxious administrator who thinks the whole building will collapse without him. Step 3 is realizing: the building was never yours to run. "Turning over" isn't giving God a new job. 

It's *stopping your interference* with what's already at work.

Meister Eckhart called it *Gelassenheit* — letting-go, releasement. The Sufis call it *tawakkul* — radical trust, not passivity but a surrender of the grasping will. Ibn Arabi would say you're releasing the illusion of a separate self that was managing things, and returning to the *haqq* — the Real — that was always the only agent.
---
**Care" as what love looks like at a cosmic scale**

The universe doesn't care the way a worried parent cares — anxiously, conditionally. It cares the way light cares for a plant: impersonally, completely, without withholding. 

What Step 3 offers is trust that this impersonal love is sufficient — that you don't need to supplement it with your own frantic willing.
The practical move is simply this: *when the self-will grabs the wheel, notice it, and let the hands open.*

That's the whole step, lived moment to moment.
---



Etty Hillesum

I feel as if I were the guardian of a precious slice of life, with all the responsibility that entails. I feel responsible for that great and beautiful feeling for life I carry within me, and I must try to shepherd it safe and sound through these times, towards better ones.

אני מרגישה כאילו ניתנה לי למשמרת, פיסת חיים יקרה מפז על כל האחריות הנובעת מכך. אני מרגישה שחובתי לשמור על אהבת החיים שבי ולהשתדל שתעבור בשלום את הזמנים האלה ותגיע סמוכה ובטוחה לזמנים טובים יותר.

أشعر وكأنني وصية على شريحة غالية من الحياة. مع كل المسؤولية التي تحتمها علي. أشعر بالمسؤولية اتجاه هذا الشعور العظيم والجميل للحياة التي أحملها بداخلي. وعلي أن أحاول أن أرعاها لتبقى آمنة وسليمة خلال هذه الأوقات نحو أوقات أفضل.

March 11, 2026

Discombobulated as a 
Spiritual Metaphor

(Etty Hillesum below) 

I Awoke in that in-between state —maybe discombobulated ~ not lost, but the thread has gone very thin —  the mystics reference it as the  "fertile void" or a precursor to growth. I've sought some passages that speak to it.

Rainer Maria Rilke 

*"Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves."* The disconnection may itself be the question worth sitting with.

One more from Rilke, perhaps the most apt for this morning:

*"Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage."*

The discombobulation itself — the dragon — may be the disguised form of what you're seeking.

Is it the disconnection from *felt* presence you're sitting with, or something more like a loss of orientation — not knowing which way to turn? 

Herrmann Hesse 

From *Narcissus and Goldmund*, more bluntly: the wanderer doesn't find God by seeking — he finds Him by exhausting every other direction.

Gnostic perspective

1. Discombobulation as a Catalyst for Awakening

• The "Disturbed" Seeker: In Gnostic tradition, finding the truth is inherently disorienting. As famously stated in the Gospel of Thomas, "When they find, they will be disturbed. When they are disturbed, they will marvel".
• Breaking the Programming: The "confusion" felt during a spiritual shift is seen as the cracking of the ego's false certainties. It is the beginning of remembering one's true divine spark beneath the "programming" of the material realm.
• The Messengers of Light: Spiritual disorientation often occurs when divine intervention—through figures like the Gnostic Christ—disrupts the "order" established by the worldly rulers (Archons), throwing their systems into extreme disarray

2. Recombobulating Through "Gnosis"

• From Ignorance to Knowledge: The Gnostic "recombobulation" is not a return to worldly comfort but an attainment of Gnosis—direct, experiential knowledge of the divine.
• Internal Alignment: Instead of following external rules, the soul finds order by aligning its "inner kingdom" with truth, which eventually reflects peace in the outer world.
• Liberation through Realization: Freedom comes from the existential recognition that you are not your physical body or your possessions, but a spark of the Pleroma (the divine fullness).

, 

Etty Hillesum

Wherever you happen to find yourself, be there with your whole heart. If your heart is elsewhere, you won't give enough to the community in which you happen to be, and that community will be the poorer for it.

בכל מקום בו תמצאי את עצמך, היי שם בלב שלם. אם הלב שלך נמצא במקום אחר, לא תעניקי מעצמך מספיק לקהילה בה תהיי, והקהילה הזו תהייה דלה יותר בשל כך.

أينما وجدت نفسك. كن هناك مع كل قلبك.
إذا كان قلبك في مكان آخر فلن تعطي كفاية للمجتمع الذي أنت 
فيه وذلك المجتمع سيكون أفقر بسبب ذلك.

March 10th, 2026

In a Mood for Sufi Poetry ? 

Etty Hillesum below 

Kabir

“The river that flows in you also flows in me.”

  Are you looking for me? I am in the next seat.

My shoulder is against yours.

you will not find me in the stupas, not in Indian shrine

rooms, nor in synagogues, nor in cathedrals:

not in masses, nor kirtans, not in legs winding

around your own neck, nor in eating nothing but vegetables.

When you really look for me, you will see me instantly —

you will find me in the tiniest house of time.

Kabir says: Student, tell me, what is God?

He is the breath inside the breath.–

                                 

Hafez 

The Great Secret

God was full of Wine last night,

So full of wine

That He let a great secret slip.

He said:

There is no man on earth

Who needs a pardon from Me –

For there is really no such thing,

No such thing

As Sin!

That Beloved has gone completely Wild-He has poured Himself into me!

I am Blissful and Drunk and Overflowing.

Dear world,

Draw life from my Sweet Body,

Dear wayfaring souls,

Come drink your fill of liquid rubies,

For God has made my heart

An Eternal Fountain!l Times in the Last Week

Several Times in the Last Week

:

Ever since Happiness heard your name,
It has been running through the streets

Trying to find you.

And several times in the last week,
God Himself has come to my door-
So sweetly asking for your address,
Wanting the beautiful warmth of your heart’s fire.

Why Carry?

Why carry a whole load of books
Upon your back
Climbing this mountain,
When tonight,
Just a few thoughts of God
Will light the holy fire.

Rumi

Whoever Brought Me Here

All day I think about it, then at night I say it.
Where did I come from, and what am I supposed to be doing?
I have no idea.

My soul is from elsewhere, I’m sure of that,
and I intend to end up there.

This drunkenness began in some other tavern.
When I get back around to that place,
I’ll be completely sober. Meanwhile,
I’m like a bird from another continent, sitting in this aviary.

The day is coming when I fly off,
but who is it now in my ear who hears my voice?
Who says words with my mouth?
Who looks out with my eyes? What is the soul?
I cannot stop asking.

If I could taste one sip of an answer,
I could break out of this prison for drunks.
I didn’t come here of my own accord, and I can’t 

leave that way.

Whoever brought me here, will have to take me home.

This poetry. I never know what I’m going to say.

I don’t plan it.

When I’m outside the saying of it,

I get very quiet and rarely speak at all.

Etty Hillesum

I feel that I am still tied by a thousand threads to everything I treasure here. I will have to tear myself away bit by bit and store everything inside me, so that when I have to leave I shall not abandon anything but carry it all with me. There are moments when I feel like a little bird, tucked away in a great protective hand.

אני עדיין קשורה באלפי עבותות לכל מה שיקר לי כאן עלי לקרוע את עצמי מהם, פיסה אחר פיסה, ולאצור הכול בתוכי, כדי שכשיהיה עלי ללכת מכאן לא אנטוש דבר, אלא אאצור את הכול בתוכי. לרגעים אני חשה כמו גוזל שמסתתר לו בכף יד גדולה ומגינה.

أشعر أنني ما زلت مرتبطة بآلاف الخيال بكل شيء تمين لي هنا علي أن أفصل نفسي شيئا فشيئا وأخزن كل شيء بداخلي عندها عندما يكون علي أن أغادر لن أضطر إلى التخلي عن أي شيء بل أحملها جميعها بداخلي. هنالك لحظات التي أشعر بها وكأنني عصفورة صغيرة موضوعة بعيدا في يد كبيرة حامية.

March 9th, 2026

The Persona , the Ego and the Self

Etty Hillesum below

For Me, My Spiritual Journey has led me to Investigate Certain Basis Psychological  (from a Jungian) Perspective or Truth. Although these Truths aren't what I'd Consider Spiritual Truths, they are the Underpinnings of the Terrain. I Must, Navigate, Intergrate, Cohabitate With in Order to Reclaim ~ 

My Selfhood

1st The Persona 

From My Perspective Today, The Persona is not evil, but it becomes a prison when it hardens. When we need the approval it promises, fear the exposure it dreads, and organize our entire life around maintaining it — we are serving the mask rather than wearing it lightly.

The persona is the mask the soul mistakes for its face

2nd The Ego

The ego is the soul's experience of itself as a Separate Entity, this isn't a mistake. It is not something to be destroyed. It is the necessary contraction through which infinite awareness steps down into a particular life, a particular story, a particular point of view. Without it, there is no navigation of the world, no discernment, no capacity to act. 

But in its unexamined state, the ego lives in a fundamental misunderstanding.

It believes itself to be the source rather than a channel. It experiences itself as enclosed — bounded by skin, by biography, by the story it tells about who it is and what has happened to it. This enclosure is what the traditions call the root of suffering

The nafs grasping at its own reflection, mistaking the veil for the face of God

(The nafs is the soul in its relationship with itself — and the Sufi path is largely the story of its transformation.) 

Lastly The Self

The Self is what remains when everything else is seen through.

Not what you have. Not what you do. Not the story, the wound, the achievement, the role. Strip away the persona — still something remains. Quiet the ego's commentary, its planning and defending and narrating — still something remains. 

That remainder, that silent witnessing presence that was always already there before any content arose — that is what the traditions point to when they speak of the Self.

In Sufi metaphysics, the Self is the secret that God keeps within the human being.

Summary 

What is remarkable across all of these Traditions is not just the convergence but the quality they all ascribe to this ground: it is not cold or abstract. It is not an empty void. It is described again and again as sat-chit-ananda — being, consciousness, bliss. Not bliss as an emotion but as the intrinsic texture of awareness itself when the ego's noise quiets enough to feel it. A fullness. A homecoming. The sense, as the mystics say, of always having been here.

These three form a kind of nested architecture in the psyche — moving from surface to depth.

In Simple Language 

The end of the exhausting project of becoming who you are not.

Etty Hillesum 

ETTY HILLESUM IN THE LIGHT OF ETERNITY

I shall live on with that part of the dead that lives forever, and I shall rekindle into life that of the living that is now dead, until there is nothing but life, one great life, oh God.

אני אמשיך לחיות עם החלק הזה במת שממשיך לחיות לנצח, ואקים לתחיה את החלק המת באלו החיים, וכך אלוהים, לא ישאר דבר מלבד החיים עצמם, חיים עצומים וגדולים.

ساعيش مع ذلك الجزء من الأموات الذي يعيش إلى الأبد، وسأعيد إحياء حياة هؤلاء الأحياء التي هي ميتة حتى لا يوجد شيء سوى الحياة، حياة عظيمة واحدة يا الله