This morning I awoke, yet again, into that all-too-familiar state — profound helplessness, hopelessness, and powerlessness. But instead of being pulled into the lessness of it, I found myself drawn to a thought: perhaps this is simply what it looks like to awake in the human condition nakedly honestly, as a human without my ego, yet also unconnected from the universe.
Maybe, for the first time, I recognized it for what it is — unaided me, looking truthfully at immensity of life and love, nor the true power of the universe.
And yet I know: I am powerless. But I carry a knowingness, and the ability, with it, to return to the true source. Not my power — but power loaned to me as I open my heart to something larger. Greater than anything I possess alone. And granted yet again, each morning, when I am willing to seek it.
I've heard it said — and perhaps it's true — that we awake each day in something like an agnostic state. For me, the ego moves quickly to fill that space with a counterfeit strength. A substitute that feels like power but isn't. A heresy of self-sufficiency.
For too many mornings I accepted that false power, and so never sought the real one. But the seeking is mine to do. When I turn toward the source, I am met — with strength, with connection, with the quiet knowing that I am loved, that I am safe, that I am home.
This knowing is easily shadowed. By dreams, by the body's complaints, or simply by my own choosing.
Today I choose love. Connection. The power given for this day — and this day only.
Tomorrow I hope to see clearly again. I hope not to carry the residue of the dream state into waking. I hope the ego does not arrive first.
I am not special. After nearly seventy-four years, I've come to understand my work is simply this: to seek, and to knock at the Door.
Nothing More
Etty Hillesum
How rash to assert that man shapes his own destiny. All he can do is determine his inner responses. You cannot know another's inner life from his circumstances. To know that you must know his dreams, his relationships, his moods, his disappointments, his sickness and his death
לומר שהאדם הוא אדון לגורלו, זאת אמירה פזיזה מדי כל מה שהאדם יכול לעשות הוא לקבוע את היחס שלו לגורלו. אי אפשר להכיר את חייו הפנימיים של הזולת רק מחוך הכרת העובדות החיצוניות לשם כך יש להתוודע גם אל חלומותיו, אל היחס שלו לקרוביו, אל מצבי הרוח שלו, אכזבותיו, מחלותיו ומותו.
من العجلة أن يجرم أن الانسان يقرر مصيره. كل الذي يستطيع فعله أن يحدد ردود فعله الداخلية لا تستطيع معرفة حياة الآخر الداخلية من ظروفه من أجل معرفة ذلك عليك معرفة احلامه وعلاقاته ومراحاته وخيباته ومرضه. ومونه
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