June 19th, 2026

An Amends

**To My Brother**

I went looking for our father ~ and found you instead.

You were a child too ~ I didn't see that then.

I asked you to be what he never was ~ assumed you'd been given what I wasn't ~ I was wrong on both counts.

For years a fear kept me from looking straight at this ~ and the fear cost us ~ cost you ~ more than I let myself know.

Here's what I see now, finally ~ it was never that you couldn't give me what I needed ~ it's that I never just loved you as my brother ~ never asked what you needed from me.

I made you carry his weight ~ for decades ~ and lost you, the one who was actually here ~ willing, I believe, to love me back the whole time.

I'm sorry ~ for the years I blamed you for what was never yours ~ for the years I failed to simply love you.

This is my amends ~ late ~ but whole.

My brother ~ my deepest love ~ my gratitude.