June 2nd, 2026

A Personal Confession

A series of Texts between My Higher Power, Myself and My Sponsor, who also is My Spiritual Advisor and Dearly Loved Friend

Hi Sponsor this is Peter I was wondering if we could schedule a few minutes together before the end of the weekend i just have something I'd like to talk to you about face to face nothing nothing tragic but it does have to be face to face all right love you bye 

Sponsor – I intentionally broke my Sobriety, flying back to the States ~ with a single glass of wine ~ not because I wanted to get drunk ~ but I felt such a fraud, not for hiding prior alcoholic relapses, but for other relapses I had fooled myself about, such as, smoking pot, really enjoying prescribed medicine, over consumption of prescribed medicine or cough syrup, Lying when in the ER about my pain level to get the good stuff, not to mention unkind thoughts, deeds and actions.

I can’t even begin to be Honest with the Universe, unless first, I meet and make my best effort to my definition of Honesty.

Sponsor ~ none of this could have been born, without Your Love, Your Insights,and the shining light of your Inner Beauty & Strength.

**On My Taking My First Honest Step**

Thank you — your loving kindness and your observations landed deeply. The suggestion that perhaps I am not an alcoholic was genuinely startling. That identity has not only been central to who I am, it has been the very vessel that took a broken person and gave them tools to be rebuilt — and through which I first began to establish a real relationship with my Higher Power.

Driving home last night I felt the weight of it: *what have I done?* But this morning something has shifted. What I felt last night as recklessness, I can see this morning as a first independent step — and the spiritual journey has always been, at its core, an individual one.

This path has been my true passion, and it has asked hard things of me. But nothing quite like this. To move forward honestly, I have to be as forthright as I am capable of being — and I have to do it, in a certain sense, alone. Not in isolation, but free of fear, rationalization, obfuscation, and the ego's familiar justifications, none of which resonate with where I actually am.

I love AA deeply, and I am grateful for the safety it has provided. But if I am not an alcoholic, then by its own tradition I am not a member. Perhaps NA is closer to the truth of my situation. There is no CA meeting in my area — and I am beginning to wonder if that absence is itself part of the path. Perhaps I am being called to start one.

I used to imagine spiritual growth as that of esoteric bliss. I see now that image — naive as it is — belongs not to the journey but to what the journey *leads toward*: the joy, the light, the ecstasy that lies ahead.

Not the Goal but the Journey itself. But first I must travel the actual terrain. That requires honesty, compassion, an open heart, and commitment. It also requires strength and bravery — qualities I have not always trusted in myself. But I believe they will be given, through Grace, to anyone who searches for God as ardently as I am searching now.

To My Sponsor

Hope Your Up for an Spiritual Advisor role

or just a Spiritual & Temporal Friend.

 It might be my path, 

But I can't do it alone

To My Sponsor

I'm Coming to Believe not from my Head or Ego but from My Heart & Empowered by My HP. 

I am searching all open AA meetings Blue Ridge & Canton. I am going to frequent as many Open meetings as possible to. Maintain my Commitment to my self and Honor the tenets of AA & of course I will not say I'm an Alcoholic but  I have a Desire Not to Drink Today.

Any new group or open meeting I'm start from above,

~ Any open pre-attended meeting will start with admission of relapse

I do not have to foolishly foresake my connection to my HP or the Fellowship out of foolish pride or even more foolish Ego arrogance.

I think that's my Baby Step for this morning. Maybe (probably) I'm stumble and fall ~ Maybe "yeah" Definitely

From My Lady Julian of Norwich -

By the assay of this falling we shall have an high marvellous knowing of Love in God, without end. For strong and marvellous is that love which may not, nor will not, be broken for trespass.

Amen